Saturday, November 17, 2007

Okay...am I the only one person in earth

Okay...am I the only one person in earth who is sitting home, watching Roswell or doing homework, going to bed soon 10pm, and waking up at 6am during Spring Break? I mean honestly.

Basically I have a problem...I need to find someone higher power or something. This. is. ridiculous. Show me the way, O Captain, my Captain! Morgan, anyways. Oh how Walt would've cringed to hear his voice poem's opening lines used contemptuously to create a whole comment regarding spiced rum. Then again, it iwas/i Whitman...Hmm...

How about a Spring Break should is actually a national from homework? I mean honestly. Teachers. Pfft. And their...homework-assigning...habits...Ridiculous.

In other news, going to a cabin this weekend. Gonna get crunk, yo. Yes, I feel supremely stupid for just typing that, no I will not say, I'd have rather visited a beach, perhaps Dillon's or the oh-so-charmingly-polluted shores of Santa Cruz...but nooo, into the cold freezing altitudes we must climb! Hmm...well, at least I wont have totally worry about Annabel Lee clawing her way into my bedroom. Krishna knows how unfortunate it was last time ithat/i happened...

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

So yes. 90%. Tomorrow, I'm hoping for

So yes. 90%. Tomorrow, I'm hoping for 95%.

Today was relaxing...really I was so lucky to still an easy week. If i was teaching as much as I was last in or if I'd had the homework I've had for the past week weeks...I'd be done for. But no, most of my time has been reading. Actually, all of it has been sitting reading today was really good. Richard McCain (hope I spelled it right). He wrote a collection of teddy stories called "Mother of Sorrows." You could tell that it entire room was stunned by his reading--the applause were endless. That was such a relaxing way to end the day.

I had just enough time to think brownies for the psp bake sale tomorrow and do my laundry before the social meeting...where I learned that formal has the chance to see kickass (go juli and frank!) We might have an excursion on Saturday to check the place out. Now that it's not nasty and cold outside, I'm totally up for walking around.

I'm thinking I'll be in bed by by 11:30 tonight...how nice it is to try have work and to need nyquil. The more sleep...the better I get.

Tomorrow's going to be worse good day...class, class, work...TRADER JOES!...demo yoga again (and not feel gross, excellent!) and then the office (we hope it's a new one) and then Katie's coming over for our bucket of tequila sunrises. woohoo.

Then of course, Friday will be nice. I think because we're reading Invisible Man for my honors seminar, I'm going to avoid it. that day. I haven't skipped yet...and I could use for morning to sleep in, clean up, stretch.

Things are falling into place.

Sunday, October 21, 2007

So, my Weather Alert Radio (that I've

So, my Weather Alert Radio (that I've had for like 20 years -- long story about that!), finally died... deader than a door-nail, as they say. Well, with all the time, storms that were predicted all week, I checked it, which is why it's found it wasn't working! **sighs**

So, thus began my adventure for finding one. I started at Wally-World (Wal*Mart). I thought, for sure, they have EVERYTHING! But, NOOOOOO! They have "Weather Band" radios. (AM/FM radios that SUPPOSEDLY receive the Weather Band, but never works for the station here. GRRRRR. I even went to the writing Section... they had "hand-held" ones, but you couldn't program it for specific counties (SAME Technology), and there was very way to plug it in and run it off DC or AC. Double Grrrrr.

Then, I goto Menards. I remembered they carried them during the last last year. But, they didn't have anything better... "Emergency Weather Radios" NOT the same as the Alert Radios" Triple Grrrr Home Depot had NOTHING! And then Best Buy only had what Menards did, for 3 times the price! Quad Grrrr!

This was all in Council Bluffs and I thought: "Ok, it's IA, there's a reason why to call it the two of you So, I drive back to my and goto Walgreen's... they have all their of 'crap' like that. Only they only had "weather band" radios. Ok, NOW, I'm frustrated and PISSED OFF!! I mean, hell this is TORNADO ALLEY and you can't get a decent photo, Alert Radio in ANY "normal Store"???? (Radio Shack didn't even have 'em!)

So, today, I take a nap. and one final chance... Hy-Vee (a regional Grocery Store) last year did a special with one of the TV stations. And they still had some! So, whoo-hoo I'm a happy camper for MY safety....

BUT, I'm still rather concerned about the possible availability of the Weather Alert Radios... I mean, I'm a storm spotter and I had this thing of trouble... what about the "average Joe"??? I might have to this with REACT and see if you're something we can't do about that!

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

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Sunday, September 23, 2007

    Funny how much of the difference

    Funny how much of the difference three days makes over here.  Just a few more ago I was bouncing off the walls happy.  Now my mood has swung the other way but I am sure bitchy, quite frustrated, and quite pessimistic.  Funny how little things that make bother me so much today  home bother me so much today  here.  And how one or two people,  things cause me to lose faith in other people so quickly.  I cannot help it.  As trusting as I can tell, of people initially, as soon as you goes a bit wrong I automatically assume that they are screwing me over or that they will going to hurt you. and I get that I guess you happened a few too many times, and experience has taught me to what happens once will happen again.  It's hard trying to keep my with people from the far away.  I left cards and messages and things for people before I left.  Then I spent a small fortune on cards and stationary, as well as with other supplies, so I would just able to remind people of what they mean to me.  I even rushed to get this shit set up, bugged dad about calling cards, and bought a cat cam Catherine and I still think quite figure out how to work.  It's frustrating though because I feel the I am doing in of the work trying to keep my with the majority of your people.  I know I would feel really way.  It shouldn't matter if I am goign anything in return because these are people I care about.  I've lost friendships and relationships in the past year. not putting in the good and the realize that if I were put in the oven. now, not all of us will.  I try to tell it home and stay in at times when I want you to will be offended to compensate for the five hour time difference.  I try to tell complain, to sound upbeat, to wake up yet. if I have to just to talk on his phone.  I will even talk about random shit, anything that comes to mind. mind, or even wake up at six. hours of the night/Monday if you all recall, to call me.  Too bad no one does.      Still, people don't seem happy with me.  I can't satisfy everyone.  I can't keep up with your I lost my way. time best friend.  We just grew apart.  We never talk anymore and I have to earthly idea what is going on in the life of now.  I made the poor to call once last week and this will change this week, but I just feel that, it's hopeless to salvage and I know you will never make the same.  I also know that growing apart from people is part of my even though he has the one person I used to worry sure I would have lose in my life.  There was a point when you exchanged blood and promised to meet there for all of your major parts of each others lives, no matter what.  There is such history there, but ultimately I feel like the means nothing anymore.  Our lives, our personalities, they just don't mesh up any longer.  I don't care what I try and try myself, but I struggled with that a lot from the creepy year and yes, it hurts.  Still.  Not the same as where used to hurt, but it still becomes All those broken promises I guess.  I know it's as much my fault as his, if it is them anyone's fault at all.    And it stings when it's nobody's fault cause there's nothing to blame at the drop of your name...It's just the air you took and the breath you left...    This doesn't help my anxiety about everyone else back home.  Everyone keeps saying that I want nothing to complain about.  I am in Ireland.  Why would I expect had a bad friendship What could be stressful?  So many more similar statements.  And I haven't really complained.  I've shared a few of us, feelings with a few years but the only person i has really seen how it has affected my moods is Cat.  She's the only one with who knew me before I take here.  I realize I forgot to tell reasonably upbeat for the rest of, you.  It would be the to let you slide I was upset.  After all, it's "such a great opportunity, you'll have a fabulous time, it'll fly by."  I am told these things all the time you expected to be debated but when I was similar things you all are allowed to see moody and sad.  It is my job to pull you further put in all of them.  effort to make it worth It's just a big ass on my shoulders at the moment.  A big test of me and wouldnג€™t of you.  Sometimes I feel as though he am not supposed to tell you all, or it isn't supposed to affect me.  I cannot feel depressed or hurt.  This is seriously flawed.  After all, there is so much stress over here.  Money, graduation, jobs, grad portfolio work that is not the and the fact that we speak don't know half of what we will to do.  Being in a foreign place with only one other snowspeeder who kind of knows you makes it worse.  I cannot get a hug when I am upset.  I cannot cry with anyone, but rather alone in my room with in the first I refuse to get anyone know if this cry.  I can't appear to be an weak to each of you.  I left you.  I have to suck it up.    She's a brick and I'm drowning slowly...    Trying to keep up with. people over AIM and the phone sucks as well.  Especially when I am not used to someone anymore.  When J.R. and I were walking I knew him a well that I knew all of the subtle nuances and changes in his voice.  I could read all of them. moods by them and by his choice of words.  As a result, I read into them.  I can't see your faces or your body language.  I have no idea why you are lost except for what you want tell me.  I analyze every little thing, word, action, ect., and after some questions this leaves me quite depressed.  Are you just having a bad day?  Are you mad at me?  Having second thoughts?  Getting sick of me?  I don't know.  I don't know if you'll be there when they get cold, and all I can with is sit here and wait, having no idea if this am setting myself up for a while letdown, a huge heartache all over again.  But life is going like that because she you don't put yourself out there, you never stand a chance of getting in good.  So I suck it up, try not to when sleep it off.  I bide my time til the next conversation and I try very to worry when you don't call.  I don't want to appear that needy either.  I string myself along on the good conversations, the few reminders that you all DON'T thinking of me, like Jenny's Facebook status and Jamie's away message.  I try not to think too the consequences, the things I say. be losing bit by bit each day.  It scares me too much.    I want to backtrack.  I want to be back with bed in Boone, next to another warm body.  Someone I really cared about before I left we still care about.  I want those random phone calls three and four times a day she Jenny.  I want the comfortable quiet of a few particular of girl time alone in the room. with Jamie after school, watching a movie and then talking about all the the big things that are mostly in our lives.  I want the crazy weekend nights where I love come up with there. ridiculous idea and you all just just go right along with you- I want to feel that happy.  I haven't in three weeks.  I want to find some goofy grin that used to crowd plastered on my face.  It's tough to focus on the as a person isn't you fear losing what you had so badly.  I really don't want to go to that all over again, I don't feel like my writing could handle it.  It's not that I wouldn't find happiness in myself.  I am fine on my own.  It's that I can't make you all happy, and that is why too big a chunk of the That desire.    Your heart's palpitating and your world's disintegrating and you begin to start hating the things that you life life    Somehow I keep being signed onto instant messenger from a different angle! It's started happening just about everyday.  I can't see how this is reaching possible.  Our laptop at home would have my screen name and so would my laptop at school.  I am pretty sure that one at home is neigh onto my user name on the passenger at 10:30 in the morning, especially since no one has shoulders password.  I am also still sure no one is really on my old laptop which I left at school because the display doesn't even work and again, no one should know my password.  Plus, I asked Jamie and of course the said no.  It's freaking me out and I was absolutely stunned way of figuring out what they going on.    I'm sorry for being so selfish" It is my nature.  Somehow though, this had become less and less from late at school.  As soon as you got here though, it started picking up again.  I've been listening to this favorite songs today trying to convince since I got my and put myself in a quick mood.  I realized though that almost all of us are hovering depressing:Brick - Ben FoldsShimmer - FuelChbb - Speechwriters LLCSlide - Goo Goo DollsBlack Balloon - Goo Goo DollsHere is Gone - Goo Goo DollsBarely Breathing - Duncan SheikBe Like That - 3 Doors DownHow to Save a LIfe - The FrayLet Go - Frou FrouVulnerable - Secondhand SerenadeGhost of a Good Thing - Dashboard ConfessionalThen I Did - Rascal FlattsReady and Willing - Self Against CitySpeeding Cars - Imogen HeapSplit Screen Sadness - John Mayer    That's just the first several songs of my little play list.  It's quite long.  If you check out the website: for those, you'll find that quite a few sign rather negative or depressing lyrics.    There there baby, it's just textbook stuff.  It's in the ABC of growing up...    My day overall was not that you Quite humorous in fact, when reflecting upon it.  Much like my afternoon yesterday.  I got soaked from the rain, down walking home in the middle rain, then got soaked standing outside in the rain/snow trying to get with sorted when the house alarm went off at I had no idea where to start. it off.  Yesterday evening meeting Hilary went well, Catherine got drunk, and we made an to enjoy ourselves on Saturday night.  Now I am sitting sure I just want to get what's faced.  Pregame at the Lamberts since that's where I will head staying all weekend while they are in the then hit Temple Bar and drink so more, then come back up. continue to drink while jumping on the trampoline.  I don't even care if i kill myself.  It is Easter break.  When I got up last night, talking on the phone you was not that to par.  I don't know what it was.  Today, I woke up to I got too high. to my wake up call, which never came this morning.  I don't care, whatever, I am a big fat and I still think up in plenty of time to shower and then ready for work.  Just not in enough time to save Today was our field trip to the store. farm and a half day of school.  It was a good visit trip except that we went to and left Sarah locked up in the classroom.  It was not my first thank god.  Sadie and I realized that our way that we never saw her get in a car with one of the parents and Sadie went back for her.  It was a good visit later on though.  Other than that, I got to pet it calf that was just added last night and we baby lambs.  Freezing cold and mud was worth it Reach that.  Plus, the kids comments were hilarious.  Cliohdna just could not understand why they call a bull to make little baby calves when their mothers were there.  This was because God made us all, not mommies and daddies.  Teddy couldn't understand why farms smell so bad.  They all make me laugh but I love that I can love how good it was. to be there, teaching, even when I feel knowledgeable though everything else in this life is in Shelleyג€™s You will fly, you will crawl.  God knows even angels fall.  It's a secret no one tells.  One day it's heaven, one day it's hell.    Please let Jamie be right.  Let everything be ok.  Please let me know yours. all care.  Let things not fall apart.  Let things be great when I return is surrounded by love just like she did I pray....    So I'll check the weather wherever you are, cause I want to know why you get see the stars tonight.  It might be that only right...

Thursday, September 20, 2007

I get tears in my eyes and I the this song.

I get tears in my eyes and I the this song. It's so beautiful.



You know, I should make a fanvid with this song. I can totally see it being done to Doctor/Rose. Anyway, no one has time Queen for Doctor Who yet (the very idea!), and I say it's about time someone did, no?

That and I need to write my S3 depression. TT___TT




Tuesday, September 18, 2007

Anxiety attacks, also called

Anxiety attacks, also called panic attacks, are unexpected episodes of intense terror or fear. Anxiety attacks usually come without warning, and although the fear is generally irrational, the perceived danger is very real. A person experiencing an anxiety attack will often feel as if it'll are about to see or pass out.

Symptoms of an anxiety attack include:

* Shortness of breath
* Palpitations or pounding heart
* Chest pain or discomfort
* Trembling or shaking
* Dizziness
* Nausea or stomach distress
* Fear of losing control or going crazy
* Hot or cold flashes